year has passed and I feel all the emotions I felt on that tragic day. The worse day of my life would seem like nothing compared to the jolt I had that day. The day, my first born child was declared brain-dead.
 
 My God, since I arrived at the hospital and the doctor took me aside and said the words that no parent on earth would want to hear “We can't do anything for him, his brain is dying." My heart stopped for a moment while I tried to comprehend his words. With all the technology today being used to perform wondrous operations, they cannot help my son? When realization set in I began to shake and broke out into a cold sweat and my head began to spin. A voice inside me was screaming, "No, no, it's not true, not my boy, this can't be happening again!"

 
 Our youngest boy had passed away just 8 years before and I still haven't healed from that loss yet. The circumstances were much different but the end result was the same. My youngest son was born with several disabilities and wasn't expected to live beyond the age of 5 years. With perseverance and much TLC we managed to keep him with us until he was 17 years of age. Although he was like an infant all his life, he brought so much love and joy to our family and others who were in contact with him. I would never wish away those years as trying as they were at times.
 
 Now, my oldest son, my first born was being taken from me. It is so unfair, I was thinking. After the initial shock had set in, I knew there were important decisions to be made. My son was being kept on life support until they could declare him brain-dead. It was shear torture to see him lying there as if asleep, no visible injuries showing, knowing that he would never wake up and smile and say " Hi ya mom." We all spoke to him (members of the family and his fiancé) just in case he could hear us. I pleaded with him to please wake up but to no avail.
 
 The co-coordinator for the organ donations came to speak with me about my son. I treated them with suspicion at first, thinking they were just looking for young healthy organs for transplanting. But as I got to know the co-coordinator, I began to believe and trust her and my son and I had discussed this issue many times before and he had signed his donor card. I had sent him a verse about organ donation that he kept in his wallet always.

 The staff at the hospital monitored his condition hourly and each day they would remove the resuscitator to check for brain activity. Finally, there was none and he was declared officially brain-dead. We said our tearful good-byes and set off to make arrangements for his burial. The hospital then began to make arrangements for the various surgeons and organ recipients. I was numb and it was probably a blessing. My son and I had also discussed cremation and this too was to be arranged as soon as the organs were harvested. (Dear Lord).
 
 When his ashes arrived at our home, we had a lovely memorial for this wonderful man. Our house and grounds were overflowing with friends and family paying their last respects to my son. His two children were there and although their hearts were broken, they accepted the fact that their father was indeed a real hero in death as he was to them alive. They were very proud of the fact that though their father had died, six other people would live because of his organs.
 
 There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him and yearn to hear his laugh and voice or read his silly emails. It has indeed been a very rough year emotionally and physically for me but I will forever keep him in my memories. One day, I will be able to look at his photo and not fall apart. For now, I will just see him in my mind................I love you and miss you, son.  Mom                            

To My Son, My First Born 
The fateful day your heart stopped
I swear that mine did too
No one can ever take away
The pain I've felt by losing you.

A young man's life has ended
But for others live goes on
Because of the generous gifts he gave them
Another chance at life they've won.

Thank you son,
Your love shows through
Each day and night,
Those people thank you.

The gaping hole in my heart
Will never be healed
The emptiness in my life
Will never be filled.

I miss you now
And will miss you always

Love mom

© Copyright by Shirley Gilson  8:44 PM 3/27/2004

 Since I wrote this story, I received a thank you card from the triple organ recipient, a woman who received my son's heart and both lungs. She had been on oxygen for 13 years and on the organ recipient list for over 3 years and fading quickly.  She is doing great now and is eternally grateful for my son's generosity in giving her a second chance at life. I can't express strong enough how important it is to please get a donor card and SIGN IT. Give the gift of life to others who are not as fortunate to have healthy organs. There is a critical shortage of healthy organs and many people, young and old needing them desperately. You or someone you love may need a heart or lung or kidney sometime in the future. Let's make sure there will always be one available for our friends and loved ones and needy people all over the world. Please call 1-800-263-2833 or send for your card today. Do this in memory of my wonderful son. God will bless you for this unselfish act forever.

Please sign your donor card and give someone the gift of life, the most precious gift of all.